|10th Anniversary & Rant
||[Jan. 10th, 2007|12:47 pm]
|||||Move Along - All American Rejects||]|
YAY!! 10 years..10 loooong years..lol All is well, I suppose, we worked hard to get where we are and I'm happy for it. I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, I don't know if it were just niaveness, or just that I didn't really think, or perhaps it was something else, but I think I've learned a lot for it. I seriously believe that you don't grow in wisdom unless you've made several mistakes in your life. This is why older people are considered wise, they've been there and perhaps even done that.
Which brings me to something that's been bothering me so much that I need to write it down. After all my therapist adviced that I write things down that bother me and it would help. What happened the other day on HC, with Jem putting up the screencaps she took and something about IP Proxies..I don't know I don't understand them, but it was the reactions by the Admins that got to me; and I'll tell you why.
One thing about Alch's(and I call him Alch, cause I can't spell his name cause I'm a dweeb..*blushes*) response post was that he was so thoroughly convinced it was me. Regardless of whether he got confused with the name or whatever, but I honestly don't know what I did to make him believe that I would do that, and how quick he was to bring out my age in all this. Now, I'm not going to pick on Alch or tell him off, no, that's not the purpose of this rant, but to bring out a couple of things that I've learned over my 34+ years, cause in May guess what I'll be 35 arrrgg..anyway, to continue...
Age has nothing to do with nothing..just because a person is 20, 30, 40 or even 50 there is no limit as to feelings. You can feel used, cheated, like shit, angry, sad, depressed at any age, they have absolutely no problems with age and its not fair to be pegged as a mature person and told we cannot FEEL this way because we're so and so age. The difference is, the way we handle it..true, the older you are the more you'd think one would be able to handle things. But the sad fact is that the older you are the WORST your problems become..and being told you HAVE to handle them like a mature person is a cop out. Everyone hides behind their age, oh I'm only 14, 15, 16, 19, 21..and its expected of me, but no, you're 35, 37, 38..and you have to act with decorum. The sad fact is that it doesn't always happen.
Look at how many of our so called leaders act. How the Japanese leaders get into fist fights, how Presidents and Prime Ministers, Kings and Queens..Princes and Dictators act like creeps, loosers and morons all the time, so why should a mother of 30 something be expected to act so perfectly all the time? We're not superhuman, we're not Guru's nor are we up on pedastals as goddesses though many of us SHOULD be. Fine, fighting is childish, yes, it is, you're not telling me anything I don't already know but fighting is human and believe it or not, yes I am human and so is the person I'm fighting with.
The fact that people are standing in the line of fire is unavoidable, hell there's even a term for it and its called Collatoral Damage. Sorry, life sucks even if you're just a spectator, live with it. But you're fighting like little children, oh well it fucking happens, from going at it in the front lawn to whatever..no, little children do not fight like adults do, they cry and run to their mommies. No, fighting is mostly an adult thing and how we fight reflexs how deeply we're feeling about it. Adults more than anyone else have a great way of making spectacles of themselve and I'll tell you why, because after so many damn years of keeping it in and acting mature we just loose it. Its natural its human and it does fucking happen.
Does that stop the fact that we pay mortgages, utility bills, doctor's bills, make sure our kids are doing well in school, taking care of our spouces, aging parents, extended family, not to mention day to day things like cooking, cleaning and basically just breathing. So fuck if we want to fucking fight we will do it..even on boards that aren't ours. Because regardles if people are hiding behind 'usernames' and 'avatars' there are still people and people will always find ways of rubbing each other the wrong way. So you know, our lapse in judgement faltered for a moment or two, big fucking deal, its happened before and you know what it will happen again, whether you're 14 years old or 89 years old!!
So before you come to me with a but you're 35 or 38 years old and should act your age, stop, check your own age, check your parents age, and all the adults you've known in your life..and stop and think, if you can. If you have no idea who I am, what I go through on a day to day basis. If you have no idea what is going on in my mind and in my heart then don't you DARE tell me how to act or how to feel because you have absolutely no right, even if it is your board. A board owner can control what a person posts and how the person acts, but in no way can they or should they control what a person feels or make them feel guilty for feeling this way.
Yes, I'm 35 years old, and yes I am angry, I am hurt, I am depressed and I am frustrated and that won't change with anyone telling me to act my age and that I'm being silly. Sorry, but unless you've walked a mile or two in my shoes you have absolutely no right. If you don't want to hear it, then don't..I'm not asking you too, but yeah, this is been on my mind and heart and I'm tired of being made to feel guilty over what I can or cannot feel or how I deal with it. Believe it or not, there are many ways of dealing with it, from crying, to excersise, to praying, to just laughing about it and no one should tell you YOU are wrong about the way you go about it, unless its injuring someone or breaking the law. And this goes for any person close to my age or above it that knows exactly what I'm talking about.
Life is pain, we all deal with it differently, nobody is perfect and that for sure is the truth.